My Confession

The Truth Shall Set us Free

MY CONFESSION

It says that “the truth shall set you free”

I would like to use my blog to convey my confession in regards to the failure of my marriage.

Marriage; the formal union of a man and a woman, typically as recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife.

What does it take to make a marriage fail?

Simple…….from my experience, it doesn’t take any effort; instead it’s owed to the lack of effort. 

Taking a few steps back and observing my own life, I recognise the lack of effort that was mending to be the glue keeping it as one.

We were married for 13 years, which the last 3 were the most unpleasant of all. We use to be that! Couple all were referring to as the honeymooners after 10 years of marriage. How does something so strong and stable fall apart so quickly? We use to be the best of friend, those that do not even have to speak to know that something was off beam; we were telepathy partners if you could call it that.  We went through bumpy times, from me sitting without work to the extent of working in an remote area in the middle of nowhere. From broke too wealthy and broke again. LMAO. So we have been from end to end and still we were the perfect couple. So??

The first question; what did my partner do wrong to allow the extend of digression? This forms part of the denial period………..I think.

Its only months later that one recognise all the mistakes made by oneself, and then the self blaming off course. It all depends on passion, perceptions and commitment focused on the correct areas. Dedication was there Oooo yes……only focused in the wrong directions.

The idea of this confession is to first recognise my mistakes and then to highlight them, I mean……after all we are just humans not programmed cyborg’s , we do make stupid decisions and do make mistakes throughout our existence.

My wrongdoings 

So where to start? Where did things start to deteriorate, It usually starts small and rocket to something hideous in due course. So what I am about to share is from my personal point of view and to the best of my memory. 

 ·   Sports:

For the first few years my wife and kids were everything to me, although I was more of the adrenalin junkie type, she filled that craving in some way, how I am not sure of. So where then the greater craving to extreme sports derived from is a good question.  My focus slightly shifted from being the perfect husband and friend to the seeker of something more heart thrashing. Instead of communicating in a proper way…….I decided to force my will onto my family no matter the consequences! Regardless of their needs, as long as I could get on the road and run.  I bed the word self-seeking is an understatement. So this lead to a more severe step;

·   Socialising:

The irregular drinking developed into more regular drinking and the want for socialism became a mania. The further the atmosphere grow to be agonizing (Due to my actions) the more the need to socialise, and the more single-minded I befall, not aware of the movements behind the curtains (My family crumbling as a result of my egoism)

·   Arrogance:

I think the word “REBEL” best describes my attitude throughout the last phase of my self-centredness.  No one could dare give me some advice on how to do what……..I know what was the best and the sad part is that I managed to believe the bullshit I fed myself. Pure human not so? We always know MOS the best. 

And the biggest mistake of them all;

·   Dialogue:

Yes I was that person that discuss my issues with people and through my actions placing others in a awful light. Discussing people and making them bad is not the solution, believe me. This caused severe consequences for I ended up feeling like a big ass. And the best is……..my intention was never to cause harm to any person.  

Eventually it ended up in a big bang and the decided was made.

There is always a price to pay……sooner or later.

I cannot justify my wrongs and there is no explanation for what I have done, also the punishment will appear with its own measurement.  There is a saying “one should never live with any regrets”, the only way this is achievable, is by learning from ones mistakes and unlimited self forgiveness.  

I have hurt countless people through my actions, and a number of them may be scarred for time without end.

Forgive me Father, for the harm I caused them

My desire is that those people could forgive me for the harm I caused them.

Lessons learned;

·   Always think before you act, If you can’t say something good about someone….rather say nothing.

·   Care for those you love.

·   Love is caring more about someone else’s happiness than your own.

·   Prosper in the wellbeing of others and endeavour to bring happiness to those who call for it. 

·   Whatever the circumstances, the counteraction derives from the inner you.

I do not judge myself as a bad person, maybe a bit 

misunderstood or astray. 

I forgive myself

Conclusion;

Make every effort to keep my positive outlook and to cause an addiction to those in lack of enthusiasm. Trust must be owned and once somebody loses trust in you, it takes a lot of effort to recover that trust.    

Sorry for breaking your trust

One day at a time, living it to the fullest for we are blessed beyond measure. Life does not come to a stillstand and therefore, life's too short to hold grudges............forgive, bury the hatchet and live in abundance. 

We all make mistakes, that makes us human, as long as you acknowledge it, ask forgiveness from the hart and learn from it. 

And most important......!

Yours in shame

Pierre Venter